The best Valentine's day yet

I think Valentine's is overrated.

It's just a day when guys shell out a lot of cash on enormous bouquets and fancy dinners. And possibly everything else that would help them get laid by the end of the day. Guys, let me tell you something: you can get laid anytime by just making her drunk. It works almost everytime.

Erm...Sorry about that. Must be the V day bitch attacking.

I see Valentine's as a big competition. Like who gets the most flowers, the most number of guys grovelling at your feet, the most number of V day cards. And the winners are usually the "in" girls.

And just so you know, I was never one of those girls.

Whatever.

I got myself one and a half invites to go on a V day date:

One was from Peter, who wanted me to go with him to a lingerie fashion show in Manhattan. Eh di ang haba ng hair ng lola nyo. As I was about to launch into my I'd-love-to-but-I-can't-because-I'm-engaged-and-have-two-kids speech, he told me that he needs me to be there because he doesn't want to talk to this girl who forced herself to be his date on Valentine's. So when the girl tries to be intimate with him, he's going to politely ignore her and have a conversation with me.

Nyek! Gamitin ba ko? Why is it so hard for guys to turn down a girl anyway? Lame.

The half invite was from Joseph who found out that I wasn't married and so proceeded to ask, "So...what are you doing on Valentine's?" (while raising one of his brows ala Mr. Suave)

So yeah, no Valentine's date for me. The offers weren't as irresistible as doing my nails.

But this is the first V day that I had two guys asking me out! Please disregard the fact that they weren't serious about it because technically, they were asking me out. Sabi ko na nga ba makamandag pa din ang alindog ko eh!

The happiest part was when Beb called me. He rarely calls because it's cheaper if I call him.

"Pwede ka bang batiin ng happy Valentine's?"
"Oo, pwede."
"Happy Valentine's Day mahal."

Ang babaw pero nakakakilig. Or maybe it was made more special by the distance between us. Whatever it was, it really made my day. Sigh.

*****
Did I tell you guys that I was fired from my job? First time. Okay lang. I am just not meant to be a receptionist. And no, I am definitely not sour-graping.

It is so hard to be an OFW. You have a lot of things to prove and the competition is fierce. Look at it this way, if I was an American employer, would I choose a Pinoy over my fellow American? And the advantage definitely goes to someone who has a US college degree and has local work experience.

Believe me, all that stuff about EOEs and D/F/M/Vs are just letters written on websites. Racism and discrimination is still a big thing here, though it is not as prevalent as a hundred years before.

Then there is also the pressure of making it big. I never really understood why people back home think that if you work in the US, big time ka na. They think that working here is the ultimate solution to everything.

I might be earning dollars but I also spend dollars on basic utilities and stuff. So to them, a hundred dollars may be P5,000 but to me, it is still a hundred. And a hundred bucks does not really go a long way here.

It is really difficult to make a mark here. Hindi kagaya sa Pinas, where going to a top university almost always paves the way for securing a good job with excellent pay. Ang laki kasi ng Amerika. And I am just one of the millions of immigrants wanting to make it big.

Here, I am a nobody.

But that does not stop me. Para saan pa at naging Pinoy ako kung susuko din lang ako di ba?

This post is brought to you by Para Sa Yo, the hit single of Manny "Pacman" Pacquiao. Lagi kasi pinapatugtog sa TFC eh. Leche.

*****
I read The Notebook last night (I have not seen the movie yet) and lumuha ako ng dugo.

I visited her blog and I was pleasantly surprised to know that she blogged about it too. I guess we are a couple of romantics.

I do not think I have cried that much over a book or a movie. I shed a few tears when I watched Bambi and Land Before Time (theme song pa nga nun yung If We Hold On Together) but not the hagulgol-tulo-pa-uhog cry.

Oo na, iyakin na kung iyakin.

Malibu Bay Breeze, sexy nails and a bad ass watch

I was never a party girl.

I don't think I have what it takes to wear four-inch heels while gyrating my booty against a random hot guy's groin and looking at him seductively to see how much I can turn him on.

No, wait.

I may have done that several times during college. I'm not really sure. Hindi ko maalala. May tama na kasi ako nung mga panahong yon. I am innocenth! Hahaha! Nagmalinis pa talaga!

Sige na nga, I was a party girl. Emphasis on was.

It felt good to know that you can manipulate (tsk, such a strong word) someone to do whatever you want just by making him think that you want to have sex. Kahit na in reality, gusto mo lang naman talaga malibre ng drinks.

It felt good to have that power. But I don't miss it. I've grown up.

Anyway, I better stop myself before my kids read this and think I'm a manipulative bitch.

So my company had a launch party in celebration of the Lunar New Year (hindi naman pala uso ang tikoy dito). I didn't really want to go because I just started working for them and it feels awkward to hang out with people I barely know.

A launch party. Red carpet. Cameras. Celebrities. Eh ano ngayon? I'd rather stay home and get a good night's sleep.

But my boss told us that we had to go to help out. And she also thinks that it's a good idea for me to mingle and get to know everyone. So all thoughts of trying to weasel my way out of it went kaput.

I didn't have anything decent to wear and frankly, I wouldn't spend money on clothes that I'd probably get to wear only for that party and perhaps a funeral (I wore black because I'm boring that way). But I also didn't want to look like someone's maid so I had no choice but to buy a sheer sexy top, booty-hugging pants, sparkly accessories and strappy stilettos.

I also had my hair curled Monday night because my sister (who works in a salon) pulled strings to have my hair done for free. The party was on Wednesday so I had to be extra careful that I don't get my sexy, just-out-of-bed look messed up. If I have it done on Tuesday kasi, may bayad na. Feeling ko tuloy nag flashback ako to the 80's because of the amount of hairspray that was used to make sure my curls held up. Fine-resistant daw kasi ang hair ko. When I was younger, my mom had my hair permed. Pero after a week, I swear, stick straight na ulit sya. So I made like a geisha and slept with my head up.

Hindi ako masyadong nag-abala. Ayoko talagang pumunta. Napilitan lang ako.

Party day comes and I had to stay in the office until six because I had to man the desk. The party starts at seven. Not enough time for me to change into my party-slash-funeral clothes and put on make-up. Kaya ang lola nyo, humarap sa paparazzi na walang make-up. Natural beauty kunyari. Sabi ko na lang sa sarili ko, "It's all about the attitude!"

I shouldn't have worried too much kasi I was there to work, not to party. I don't think anyone was interested in what a plain Jane employee was wearing. Except maybe a crazy guy who finds engaged single moms of two kids very attractive.

I guess I wanted to look nice because a part of me wanted to know if I still have it.

Besides, everyone was too busy ogling the celebrities. A-list daw. The only person I know is Brook Lee, Miss Universe 1997, and that's only because Peter told me who she is. A-list nga. A-list ng mga Asian-American. Nyek. And I thought I would finally be able to make Brad Pitt realize that he should be having babies with me.

Since the night was young and so are we (hindi pa ko lasing nyan ha), my friends decided to raid the bar. Narinig kasi nila ang magic words: OPEN BAR.

And that's when I realized how utterly ignorant I was. When Michael asked me what I wanted to drink, I told him to get me anything. Like, I don't care what you get me, I'll drink it because I'm a party girl.

Pero sa totoo lang, hindi ko naman kasi alam kung ano ang mga tawag sa mga drinks dito. First time ko makapunta ng bar dito eh. Nakakahiya naman kung sabihin ko na gusto ko ng Blowjob or Sex on the Beach. Baka iba ang isipin nila. Baka pumayag sila at mag enjoy pa ko, mahirap na.

Back home, my friends and I only know Cuervo, Absolut, Strong Ice and Light. Malay ko ba kung ano ang Malibu Bay Breeze? So I tasted (and loved) five different drinks. I just can't remember what the other four were called.

I so wanted to drink more but I know that I have to be responsible and not get myself drunk. I get horny kasi when I'm drunk. Heck, I'm horny even when I'm sober. Year of the Goat kasi ako. Capricorn pa. Horny talaga.

So I'm proud of myself for being a mature drinker, a responsible parent and a faithful lover.

I miss my bad girl days. Tagal ko na din hindi naka-gimmick. Sana next time, si Beb naman ang kasama ko. Then I'd show him just how a Capricorn really parties.

*****
I finally succumbed to my curiosity and got my nails done. I now have seductive French-manicured acrylic and crystal nails.

I've always wanted to know what it felt like to have perfectly shaped, strong nails. Nakakatuwa! My nails have always been paper-thin so I couldn't grow them long enough to have them French-tipped.

I'll post how-to pictures next week, when I get them re-done.

*****
I finally got myself a bad ass watch courtesy of my second paycheck. I've always wanted to own a guy's watch.


Di bale Beb, I'll give it to you pag nagsawa na ko. Ganyan kita kamahal. Promise.

I've been a very bad girl so go ahead, spank me

I've neglected posting stuff in here for the last month and a half because:

1. I was so depressed during the holidays that I let myself be sucked into the black hole of self-pity. The -ber months mean something more to me than Christmas shopping. Beb and Alyssa celebrate their birthday in September, Bom's birthday and our anniversary is October, November is Thanksgiving and December is Christmas.

It was my first Thanksgiving and I burned my hand on the grill while roasting the turkey which was so big I could've sworn it was a baby ostrich. It took us eight days to finish it off. Turkey salad, turkey sandwich, turkey wrap, turkey rice...I don't think I'll be able to eat turkey at this year's Thanksgiving dinner.

It was also my first Christmas here and I missed the bibingka and the puto bumbong, the simoy ng Pasko (there really is such a thing pala) and the tiangges. The good thing was I finally got free from all the pesky neighborhood kids singing Jinggam Bells.

2. I was busy with Alyssa and my future mother-in-law (FMIL). The whole thing with FMIL staying with us for a week because she hated staying with her brother and his wife and going on a long drive to Connecticut just to see a hospital has pretty much eaten up my time. For those of you who don't know, FMIL and I aren't really on good terms. We get on each other's nerves. And that's the polite me speaking. If you think I'm a bitch, just wait, you haven't heard nothing yet.

3. Most of my time is spent going to New York everyday for work. But it's all good because I'm having a blast. The people are fun and the workload is mala-mala. And get this: I wear jeans and sneakers to work! Cool huh?

4. We're having immigration issues. Most of it has to do with how Americans define middle name. You know how Pinoys like giving two or more first names to their kids? Mas mahaba, mas sosyal ka. Well, being sosyal won't do you any good because they'd consider your second first name your middle name. Now, take a deep breath and read it again. There you go! So, Gianna Alyssa P. Del Pilar is Gianna A. Del Pilar to them. Ang labo no? Now I have to go through all the trouble of letting them know how my kids' names should appear.

There's also the thing with my brother's application to adjust his status. All his documents got lost the day before his immigration interview. Unbelievable. My sister is now working to get his case reopened.

5. I was left to run the household while my aunt and my sister enjoyed Vegas and California for eight days. Inggit! They took Alyssa to FMIL kasi kulang ang 24 hours para magawa ko ang mga kailangan kong gawin. I had to wake up at 4:30, cook breakfast, get my brother, my cousin and my son ready for school, get myself ready for work, arrange for someone to pick up my son from school, rush to work and do whatever I have to do, go home, clean the house, cook or buy dinner (depends on how exhausted I am at the end of the day), make sure everyone does their homework and finally, sleep. Add the stress at work because I just started and was still feeling my way around. Yeah, New Yorker baby!

Whatever time I have left on the weekend was spent catching up on sleep, doing laundry and preparing stuff for Monday. Grabe, ang hirap! I didn't even have time to call Beb or my family back home.

The whole ordeal made me appreciate my mom even more. Mahirap pala maging superwoman.

That pretty much sums up everything that's happened during your idol's absence.

Launch Party and office tsismis coming soon.

All I want for Christmas is you

Marshmallows, stubborn dad and tsismis

First snowstorm of the year (it's not even officially winter yet) and I did nothing but take pictures of the trees,


of the driveway


and of our front lawn.


Then I got tired of taking pictures of the trees and decided to take pictures of my family instead, so I can send them to my mom back home.

They were having a snowball fight so I decided to throw a few snowballs of my own. Yup, four against one. But I was using the camera as an excuse for them to stop throwing snowballs back at me.


I love how winter is the great equalizer. Everyone looks like marshmallows. Plus, everyone is fat. Yay!


I know, this is not much of a blog entry. I was really too busy dodging snowballs and making a snowman (which ended up looking like a little old lady) to take blog-worthy pictures.

And, I'm busy rearranging furniture in my room and packing my dad's balikbayan boxes. My dad is going back home for the nth time, which really pisses me off but I don't want to discuss it because it's a hopeless case. He's stubborn kasi.

I'm having coffee with Melizza tomorrow so we can talk about other people's lives. Haha! Tsismosa ako eh, bakit ba?

Anyway, I can't wait for next year so Beb and I can be together!

Blast from the past

I chanced upon a link about an email time capsule.

You can choose to have an email to be sent to you in 1, 3, 5, 10 or 20 years. They have an explanation as to how they are going to do this and I just scanned through it because I don't really have time to process technical terms as my brain is still half asleep.

Anyway, I just gave it a try and I just sent an email to myself. It would be nice if it works. And to help me remember that I sent an email to myself, I will not delete the confirmation email that they sent. I just hope I don't suffer from memory loss by that time.

If you want to try it, you better hurry because you can only participate until November 30, 2005.

Nothing but hype


I watched Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire a couple of days ago and it totally sucked!


I didn't know Gandalf was in Book 4. What do you mean he's not Gandalf? Huh? Oh, he's supposed to be Dumbledore?! Bloody hilarious! For a moment there I thought you were serious. You are? Oh. I honestly thought that he was portraying Gandalf, what with the thundering voice and all.

And when did this become a love story huh?! Focusing on teenage hormones instead of the real story line! Since when are we supposed to spend two minutes staring at rosy red nipples? I mean, a minute would be enough for us to fantasize over Daniel Radcliffe's nipples!

He-Who-Must-Never-Direct-Another-Harry-Potter-Film-Again-Ever must never direct another Harry Potter film again! Ever! And from what I heard, he never will.

The movie was okay but you can tell that they were in a rush to finish production and post-production. No thrills, no waiting with baited breath, no magic.

Hope they do better in The Order of the Phoenix.

Closure

A week ago, I wrote about how I wanted needed closure.

Well, I just got my wish.

The thought of communicating with him just gnawed at me and I tried to shrug it off but being the obsessive-compulsive bitch that I am, I just had to do it.

So after days of debating with myself, I decided to get on with it.

I sent him a friend request. Aaah, the wonders of Friendster.

But I know that doing it would probably give him the satisfaction of clicking on NO. Or maybe, he decided to click on BLOCK USER instead. Or he may have reported me for harassment to the Friendster gods.

If you don't see my account anymore, it means that the bastard has succeeded in his evil idiotic plan.

I tried adding him as a friend. But horror of horrors! The guy changed his last name or probably added dashes or apostrophes or whatever quotation mark he could think of to make his profile appear first when viewing the MY FRIENDS section, not that it would matter anyway because this only applies to how you write your first name. Or maybe he decided that a last name change would do him good (no offense).

Anyway, I thought it might be a sign that I shouldn't go on with it. You know how we're big on signs. Like, "Grabe, it's a sign! You're meant to be!" and such.

Did I tell you that I'm a stubborn cow? I am a stubborn cow.

So I decided to guess what his email address was and ended up thinking, "I think I'm psychic!"

Yep, you got that right. Nahulaan ko yung email address nya. On the first try.

I felt proud of myself: for getting his email address right and for having the guts to go through with it.

Ngayon alam ko na.

And you know, I realized that I was being hard on myself. It's not as big a deal as I thought it would be.

I'm okay and I can live with it.

Daddy-razzi

"I hope Daddy will stop taking pictures of me. I'm so tired of making pa-cute!"

"I need to hide while Daddy is looking for a fresh roll of film! Think, Alyssa, think! Oooh...pick-up truck! Perfect!"

"Urgh! Grunt! Aaargh! Stupid legs! Why do you have to be so short?! Stupid truck! Why do you have to be so high?! This is embarassing! I hope Daddy won't capture this on film! Pant! Grunt!"


"Pant! Pant! Pant! Napagod ako dun ah! At least Daddy won't see me here. Oh no!"


"Nyuk! Uh, hello Daddy! What? Me, hiding? Am not! I just thought you could take pictures of me inside the truck naman." (smiles for the camera but vows to find a better hiding place next time)

Karen 1982

I was watching reruns of Everybody Loves Raymond last night.

In that episode, Deb discovered a taped break-up message that Ray has kept for 20 years. The message came from Karen, his ex-girlfriend.

Now, most of us usually keep something positive about our past relationships. Like love letters, stuffed animals, ticket stubs, receipts and what others would generally classify as junk. We keep them in a shoebox to preserve the happy feeling that we had during that particular chapter in our lives.

We don't keep things that would remind us of the bad stuff. Like hate letters, "your" songs, terms of endearment, Friendster accounts of people you have branded as fiends and what others would generally classify as bitterness triggers.

Naturally, Deb wanted to know why Ray kept something negative from his past. After much discussion, irrationality and insecurity on the part of Raymond, and much laughter from me, he finally told her why he held on to Karen 1982.

It was because he wanted to know why Karen broke up with him. He said he kept playing the tape over and over to see if he can find anything in the message that would tell him why.

Closure.

So I woke up this morning and did my usual round of blog-hopping, email checking and Friendster surfing. And somehow I ended up writing this entry.

I admit it.

I have been looking at his account.

And his girlfriend's account.

No, I'm not a stalker!

I guess I'm a bit like Raymond. Though I have a pretty good idea of why things turned out the way they did, I think what I really need is closure.

I used to cry a lot and get hurt every time I see him (regardless if he was with a different girl every time or not). But I don't anymore. I was over him a long time ago, when I fell in love with Girrard.

I have never been able to become friends with my exes. Probably because I don't want them to be a part of my life anymore. It's either I got hurt and would rather die than be friends with them or I realized I was a moron who didn't know better so what the fuck was I thinking being their girlfriend?!

I saw an ex once and he called my name but I couldn't bring myself to associate myself with that person because, God, hindi ko talaga alam kung bakit ko siya naging boyfriend!

Yeah I'm a bitch so what?

But with him, it's a different thing. First love ek-ek. I don't love him anymore but he was a part of my life and no matter how much pain he caused me, I can't just convince myself that he doesn't exist.

Sana, I can find out if he has forgiven me.

I can send him a message but I don't think I can do it. Oo na, pride na naman. But it's really more of the fear of finding out that he hasn't forgiven me that's holding me back.

Siguro someday makakaya ko nang malaman.