Blast from the past

I chanced upon a link about an email time capsule.

You can choose to have an email to be sent to you in 1, 3, 5, 10 or 20 years. They have an explanation as to how they are going to do this and I just scanned through it because I don't really have time to process technical terms as my brain is still half asleep.

Anyway, I just gave it a try and I just sent an email to myself. It would be nice if it works. And to help me remember that I sent an email to myself, I will not delete the confirmation email that they sent. I just hope I don't suffer from memory loss by that time.

If you want to try it, you better hurry because you can only participate until November 30, 2005.

Nothing but hype


I watched Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire a couple of days ago and it totally sucked!


I didn't know Gandalf was in Book 4. What do you mean he's not Gandalf? Huh? Oh, he's supposed to be Dumbledore?! Bloody hilarious! For a moment there I thought you were serious. You are? Oh. I honestly thought that he was portraying Gandalf, what with the thundering voice and all.

And when did this become a love story huh?! Focusing on teenage hormones instead of the real story line! Since when are we supposed to spend two minutes staring at rosy red nipples? I mean, a minute would be enough for us to fantasize over Daniel Radcliffe's nipples!

He-Who-Must-Never-Direct-Another-Harry-Potter-Film-Again-Ever must never direct another Harry Potter film again! Ever! And from what I heard, he never will.

The movie was okay but you can tell that they were in a rush to finish production and post-production. No thrills, no waiting with baited breath, no magic.

Hope they do better in The Order of the Phoenix.

Closure

A week ago, I wrote about how I wanted needed closure.

Well, I just got my wish.

The thought of communicating with him just gnawed at me and I tried to shrug it off but being the obsessive-compulsive bitch that I am, I just had to do it.

So after days of debating with myself, I decided to get on with it.

I sent him a friend request. Aaah, the wonders of Friendster.

But I know that doing it would probably give him the satisfaction of clicking on NO. Or maybe, he decided to click on BLOCK USER instead. Or he may have reported me for harassment to the Friendster gods.

If you don't see my account anymore, it means that the bastard has succeeded in his evil idiotic plan.

I tried adding him as a friend. But horror of horrors! The guy changed his last name or probably added dashes or apostrophes or whatever quotation mark he could think of to make his profile appear first when viewing the MY FRIENDS section, not that it would matter anyway because this only applies to how you write your first name. Or maybe he decided that a last name change would do him good (no offense).

Anyway, I thought it might be a sign that I shouldn't go on with it. You know how we're big on signs. Like, "Grabe, it's a sign! You're meant to be!" and such.

Did I tell you that I'm a stubborn cow? I am a stubborn cow.

So I decided to guess what his email address was and ended up thinking, "I think I'm psychic!"

Yep, you got that right. Nahulaan ko yung email address nya. On the first try.

I felt proud of myself: for getting his email address right and for having the guts to go through with it.

Ngayon alam ko na.

And you know, I realized that I was being hard on myself. It's not as big a deal as I thought it would be.

I'm okay and I can live with it.

Daddy-razzi

"I hope Daddy will stop taking pictures of me. I'm so tired of making pa-cute!"

"I need to hide while Daddy is looking for a fresh roll of film! Think, Alyssa, think! Oooh...pick-up truck! Perfect!"

"Urgh! Grunt! Aaargh! Stupid legs! Why do you have to be so short?! Stupid truck! Why do you have to be so high?! This is embarassing! I hope Daddy won't capture this on film! Pant! Grunt!"


"Pant! Pant! Pant! Napagod ako dun ah! At least Daddy won't see me here. Oh no!"


"Nyuk! Uh, hello Daddy! What? Me, hiding? Am not! I just thought you could take pictures of me inside the truck naman." (smiles for the camera but vows to find a better hiding place next time)

Karen 1982

I was watching reruns of Everybody Loves Raymond last night.

In that episode, Deb discovered a taped break-up message that Ray has kept for 20 years. The message came from Karen, his ex-girlfriend.

Now, most of us usually keep something positive about our past relationships. Like love letters, stuffed animals, ticket stubs, receipts and what others would generally classify as junk. We keep them in a shoebox to preserve the happy feeling that we had during that particular chapter in our lives.

We don't keep things that would remind us of the bad stuff. Like hate letters, "your" songs, terms of endearment, Friendster accounts of people you have branded as fiends and what others would generally classify as bitterness triggers.

Naturally, Deb wanted to know why Ray kept something negative from his past. After much discussion, irrationality and insecurity on the part of Raymond, and much laughter from me, he finally told her why he held on to Karen 1982.

It was because he wanted to know why Karen broke up with him. He said he kept playing the tape over and over to see if he can find anything in the message that would tell him why.

Closure.

So I woke up this morning and did my usual round of blog-hopping, email checking and Friendster surfing. And somehow I ended up writing this entry.

I admit it.

I have been looking at his account.

And his girlfriend's account.

No, I'm not a stalker!

I guess I'm a bit like Raymond. Though I have a pretty good idea of why things turned out the way they did, I think what I really need is closure.

I used to cry a lot and get hurt every time I see him (regardless if he was with a different girl every time or not). But I don't anymore. I was over him a long time ago, when I fell in love with Girrard.

I have never been able to become friends with my exes. Probably because I don't want them to be a part of my life anymore. It's either I got hurt and would rather die than be friends with them or I realized I was a moron who didn't know better so what the fuck was I thinking being their girlfriend?!

I saw an ex once and he called my name but I couldn't bring myself to associate myself with that person because, God, hindi ko talaga alam kung bakit ko siya naging boyfriend!

Yeah I'm a bitch so what?

But with him, it's a different thing. First love ek-ek. I don't love him anymore but he was a part of my life and no matter how much pain he caused me, I can't just convince myself that he doesn't exist.

Sana, I can find out if he has forgiven me.

I can send him a message but I don't think I can do it. Oo na, pride na naman. But it's really more of the fear of finding out that he hasn't forgiven me that's holding me back.

Siguro someday makakaya ko nang malaman.