Left behind

Seems like everyone is getting somewhere these days. Kitch is now a trainer, Hazel is getting married and Liv is a supervisor. Me? I'm stuck here. Actually, no. I'm not stuck, I'm floating.

I have always given my best. I try to be one of the best people at work. It just sucks big time when you don't get anywhere no matter how much you slave over and impress your boss. It sucks even more when someone does not give you something that you deserve just because of a gut feel.

I don't think I'm sour-graping. And I'm not envious that my friends are all happy with their careers. In fact, I'm proud of them because I know what they are capable of and I know that they deserve the good things that are happening to them.

I have a lot of regrets but I don't want to dwell on those. I'd rather make the best of whatever situation I find myself stuck into. I know I'm not doing what I think I'm supposed to be doing. I know I can be someone else. I know I can be great (not that I'm not already).

I'm really lost right now. Just like after high school graduation. I did not really know what course I wanted to take up. I just let myself be convinced by whoever and just took up whatever my friends took.

Now, I know that I was meant to be a doctor. Well, not really (because it's too expensive) but I know that I'm meant to be working in the field of medicine. Which, unfortunately, I cannot provide for because I have to earn money to give my son a good education.

Hazel's wedding is something special. I almost experienced what she will soon be feeling. My wedding has been postponed twice and I believe that if it gets postponed again, it's just not meant to be.

The first time it got postponed, I cried because I cannot have the ceremony at Calaruega which just happened to be exactly where I wanted my wedding to be.

The second time, the dates that I wanted were not available. This is at the San Agustin Church in Intramuros. We had to move it there because Beb's family was inviting a lot of people over and there was not much space in the Calaruega chapel to accommodate everyone. We were supposed to put a downpayment there but we weren't able to get a refund from Calaruega so we still haven't paid the reservation fee at San Agustin.

I don't know. Everything seems to be going wrong. I better make something out of myself and turn my life around before it's too late. I want to be free from regrets and I want to be truly satisfied with my life before I reach a certain age.

Life is not fair but everyone gets what they deserve sooner or later.