Patience my face!

It sucks big time when you want something real bad and you shut your eyes tight and focus your mental and spiritual energy to connect with The Big Guy Up There for every night since you started wanting that something and you still haven't got what you want.

Parang cellphone:

"The subscriber cannot be reached"/"Out of coverage area"
Busy si Lord sa ibang mas importanteng bagay o ayaw niya nang makinig sa mga dasal ko dahil nakukulitan na siya sa akin.

"Message sending failed"
Kulang siguro sa concentration o sa pagpapanggap na ang hinihingi ko ay para sa ikabubuti ng human race.

"Check operator services"
Hindi ako malakas kay Lord kaya kailangan magpakabait muna ako. Nahalata na nya siguro na ang mga pangako ko na magpapakabait ay void pag nakuha ko na ang gusto ko.

I don't know if it has something to do with being OC or bratty but when I want something, I want to have it right away. I can't just sit and wait without doing everything in my power to have what I want.

Some say that The Big Guy Up There has a plan for me and that I will be given things in due time. But this brings us to my (still) unanswered questions: If The Big Guy has a plan for me, why do I need to make choices everyday? Am I really using free will? If I was given free will, how can The Big Guy have a plan for me? Does he change his plans based on whatever decisions I have made? Or does The Big Guy have a plan for how my story ends so any decisions I've made leading up to the ending doesn't matter anyway?

Whatever. I tried asking The Big Guy to give me patience. Big mistake. Syempre, he won't give it to me so I can learn to be patient. I should've asked for him to help me understand and accept that some things take time before I can have them.

I should've just asked him to give me what I want so I would stop pestering him. But hey, that's the brat in me speaking. My goddess self knows better.

Sorry, I just needed to vent.

Dreams and red nail polish

I had a dream several days ago about myself and a faceless guy. I can no longer recall the details of the dream but here's what I vaguely remember about it:

I was cuddling with some guy. He's not really faceless but I haven't seen anyone having that face before and in my dream, it felt like the guy was Beb though he did not even slightly resemble Beb. He was so maasikaso and thoughtful and sweet. I felt sooo happy and contented.

That is all I can remember. I know it's not a very satisfying account of my dream and I would love to make stuff up just to make things more exciting but I'm not in one of my creative moods today and I'd rather expound on the fact that I felt very uneasy about what I dreamt about.

I'm not a shrink and I do not have powers of divination to be able to interpret my dream but I think this might have something to do about how I wanted things to be between Beb and me.
Don't get me wrong...he's okay (for lack of a better adjective) but I just wish he would try to do little things for me. Like text me once a day (at least) just to tell me that he's thinking of me.

The self-analysis needs to be put in another entry.

It has always been said that dreams are outlets of what you secretly desire. Well, I desire a lot of things and I've never been much of a dreamer (i.e., a person who dreams a lot during sleep).

Joy, my best friend, always has the most outrageous dreams.

One of my favorites is the yellow-car-door-turned-shoulder-bag dream. Joy was riding in her ex-boyfriend's car (which was painted yellow) and I'm not really sure what happened but she suddenly grabbed the car door and carried it on her shoulder like a shoulder bag. It is sooo funny!

It's really amazing how Joy can remember even the smallest details of her dreams. I can't. Even if I just had the most erotic dream ever! But then again, she wasn't given two doses of anesthesia.

Why can't I have dreams like that?! Is it because I'm a pessimistic, moody bitch? No, don't answer that question.

I've painted my nails red today. It's been a long time since I've painted my nails anything. I'm planning something for Beb for Sunday. Red makes me feel sexy, seductive. Uh, correction: sexier and more seductive. Meowrrr...