Keeping it real

It's the first day of the new year and I feel like a rock star for waking up two and a half hours later than my usual 5 a.m. rise and shine. Or grumble and stumble, depending on which time of the month it is.

If I were back home I would be waking up to the smell of gunpowder and last night's leftovers. The streets would be littered with burnt scraps of paper from the fireworks. There would be kids walking the streets hoping to find firecrackers that they can play with. I wouldn't be waking up to Valerie's voice on Wowowee saying: A, B or C! GOOO!

I don't dream often but when I do, my dreams are really weird and disorienting. Last night, well technically it was more like earlier today, I dreamt about my college classmate Stephen and my new friend Jobs, whom I've never personally met. I would love to share the details but I can't remember what happened. All I know is that it involved myself and two guys. Awwwright! Giggity giggity goo! Kidding. It was a G rated dream.

I welcomed 2009 in my pj's while watching Survivorman. It wasn't a conscious decision on my part. I was just too lazy to dress up though I did put on polka dot underwear to honor the tradition so snaps for me.

I'll be turning a year older in two days in the company of half my family in a country halfway around the world from where I want to be. I've decided to do nothing on my birthday because what's the point really? I mean, I'm thankful that I'm still alive and I'm thankful for all the blessings but I just don't see the point. I guess this means I'm really getting older. Or maybe I'm just terribly missing my friends and my family. Or maybe both. Coupled with that annual feeling of self-doubt and restlessness. Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to my last quarter-life crisis. This one promises to be lengthier than the previous ones with more action-packed scenes and heart-wrenching drama. We have a winner right here.

Besides, what's a birthday party if you're not spending it with friends right? The silly jokes, the booze, the party games. I don't have any of that here. And even if I did, it would still be different because I'm pretty sure that I cannot find another Joel or another Jeng or another Joy anywhere else in the world. I have two really good friends here, Hayden and Trem, and they're cool but they weren't there when I was going through all the adolescent issues I had. I think being with the same group of friends I've been with during those horrible, horrible puberty years is a real bonding experience. Or maybe I'm just really lucky that I found these amazing people who are willing to put up with all my crap.

So anyway, I've been here for a couple of years now and I still get homesick. I don't really miss the places back home, except maybe Boracay and Baguio because I have special memories there. It's the people I miss. I miss the lifestyle. I had a good job, decent income and very low stress levels. I didn't have to go here. I could have just stayed back home and lived a happy average life. But instead I chose to go here. Because I know it'll be for the better in the long run. If not for me, then certainly for my kids. This realization doesn't soften the emotional blow though. I think this is what every Pinoy who works abroad goes through.

Reminds me of the time when Joel and I were talking about stuff. Real deep stuff. He was like, I think you're a strong person. And I was all, I don't think so. I'm here and I'm staying because I have to, not because I'm strong. It's not like I have a choice. If I could be selfish I'd just quit and go home. It's no fun trying to fit 26 hours in a 24-hour day. Can you? I always seem to have loads of free time on my hands when I was back home. But here, it's just unbelievable. Or maybe it's just New York. If I were in Monowi, NE I bet I'd be going crazy with all the free time I would have. Hint: This is when you open a new browser and Google Monowi, NE.

I've been thinking of going away again this summer. To Singapore or Thailand maybe? I checked my Chinese horoscope and it says finances will be tight for me this year but that it's the perfect time for me to go back to school. I mean come on, when are finances ever not tight? Now I'm psyched to go to school again. I'm gonna start reviewing for the GRE, go to open houses, request for information brochures to be mailed to me. I just don't know how long I can stick with it this time. I got unmotivated halfway through the review the last time I tried.

I was reading back on this post and I noticed that the original topic (which is the new year) has been sidelined by my rambling. So for my closing statement, I give you:

It's 2009. It's a new year. I don't have any resolutions like in previous years. I've decided to take it a day at a time. Here's to good health, lots of laughs and more sexy times ahead! Cheers!