Just a minor setback in my quest for world domination

One of my work benefits is a $1,500.00 reimbursable medical spending plan that I don’t really take advantage of. I don’t really get sick, except for the occasional cough and cold, and a yearly fever. The only major expense I’ve had so far was getting prescription eyeglasses that my boss insists on calling stylish glasses. He thinks I don’t really need glasses because I don’t wear them at work (I’m near-sighted so I just put them on when I’m outside) and the fact that they’re from D&G doesn’t really help me convince him otherwise.

I decided that I should probably go get a check-up. I didn’t want to get a physical yet because it’s only April and December is physical exam month, didn’t you know that? So I figured I should go see a gynecologist to get a prescription for birth control. Something was telling me that now is a good time to get myself back on it because oh, I don’t know, I’m coming home in four months? And I will be spending three weeks with my fiancé? And I’m going to be all over him? Oooh…I’m getting all hot just thinking about it.

Ahem, so anyway, I went to see my gynecologist, got a Pap and was asked to return after six weeks. Allow me to share my insights to those who have never gotten a Pap before. You’re going to be asked to drop your pants and your undies, get on the examination table, put your feet in the stirrups and open wide. Then the doctor will insert this giant q-tip in you and swab you. Done.

My mom always told me that I should put on nice undies when I visit my gynecologist. You know, nothing too racy, too lacy or too kinky. No granny panties and no bacons (that’s what you call the elastic when it’s not, uh, elastic anymore and it starts to look like fried bacon). But it just dawned on me that the doctor wouldn’t even get a chance to see your panties so why bother?

I come back 10 weeks after and my doctor tells me that she found a cyst in my right ovary.

My initial reaction was huh? Can you say that again?

My second reaction was huh? Can you speak a little louder because I can’t really hear you with my hands over my ears while I'm running around in circles.

My third reaction was @_@. I think I was like that for a solid ten minutes before I started to foam at the mouth. I vaguely recall my doctor saying that the lovable cyst only measures three centimeters and is no cause for alarm.

Yet.

Great.

So now I have to worry about the possibility of cancer. Which leads me to the possibility of dying. Which leads me to crying and worrying about all the things that I want to do but will now never get a chance to. Which then leads me to worry about my kids.

Now I’m not usually so emotional but I was still a little raw from having just reread Message in a Bottle and Dear John by Nicholas Sparks. I hate that he knows how to make me cry. Why does the man have something against fairy tale endings?

I know I was overreacting but I was in shock and I was alone. I think you would’ve been that way too if your beb wasn’t there to give you a hug. Then you have to be strong and try not to show your family that you’re scared, because you don’t want your kids to think that their mom is really sick.

I didn’t want my parents to know because I didn’t want them to worry about me. I already told you that I’m the head of the family here, and I don’t want them to feel bad that they’re not physically here to support me. It’s not their fault that they’re back home. It’s just how it is. I know that they’re praying for me. Praying that the cyst won’t grow and turn out to be cancerous.

I try not to think about it too much because it won’t do me any good. I guess I should be thankful that it’s been so busy at work for the past few weeks that I barely have time to think about it. I go about each day as I normally would, distracting myself with chores and just devoting my time to my son (my daughter is back home).

Sometimes I wish I had never gone to the doctor.

Now I believe that ignorance is bliss.

But then I think it’s good that I found out as early as I did so the doctor can monitor and treat it right away if needed.

You know what I want so bad right now?

I want my beb to be here.

I want him to take care of me like he always did when I was still back home.

I want the four of us to be together.

Is that too much to ask?